Forgiveness, Empathy, and Performing Under Pressure

How oft shall... I forgive? Matthew 18:21 The Jewish rule said that someone only needed to offer unconditional forgiveness three times. This came from a reading of Amos 1:3, "for three transgressions... and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof." In the D&C, as the Lord gave instructions to the Missouri saints during their persecution, He encouraged them to turn the other cheek with forgiveness four times. These examples make Peter's offer to forgive seven times a very generous one. Seventy times seven

Lynne Wilson: CFM Matthew 18, Luke 10 · From your notes: Personal-Spiritual > Topical Study > Forgiveness · Open in OneNote

Two species competing for the same limited resources cannot coexist. One will always outcompete the other until a superior competitor eventually drives the other to extinction.

Guase's Competitive Exclusion Principle · From your notes: Personal-Spiritual > Topical Study > Charity · Open in OneNote

Fire from Heaven Law. Luke 9:51-56. Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem. The Jews didn't like the Samaritans and the Samaritans didn't like the Jews any more. In our modern day we'd call that cancelling, which is the ultimate marginalization. A big argument that day was which mountain you worshipped on: mount Garizim, the Samaritan mountain, or Zion/ Jerusalem the Jewish mountain. The Samaritans are going to say: our mountain is older than your mountain, Moses gave us our mountain, David gave you yours. Jesus sends the disciples ahead to prepare the Samaritan village to receive him. But when they find out he's going to Jerusalem/ie. Worshipping on the wing. Wrong mountain, they reject him/won't even let him in town.. 55 But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of. 56 For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them. And they went to another village. This principle is the Savior saying: Don't reject somebody because they worship on a different mountaintop than you do. You've got to stop calling down fire from Heaven on one another. We are constantly calling down fire from Heaven on each other.

FM: Freedom from Judging · From your notes: Personal-Spiritual > Topical Study > Peace · Open in OneNote

Swim instructor asked not to thumbs down their children. Flip turns are a more efficient way of changing direction in a pool, but they're very difficult to master. Example of swim instructor who required the kids to do 5 successful flip turns before the end of practice. After each attempt, she would give the children a thumbs up or thumbs down. But parents approached her expressing that they didn't like her doing thumbs down to their kids and suggested she put her hands out flat and make the so so sign. Brene thought this was a terrible idea. There's so much power in that you just did something 5 or 10 or 12 times and you just did it/figured this out. Two of the properties of hopefulness that Schneider found in his research: perseverance and tenacity.

The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting · From your notes: Personal-Spiritual > Topical Study > Hope · Open in OneNote

Until you're at stage 5, most people are parenting towards your own stage of development rather than the child's stage of development. Most of us in America have bought into an indoctrination model rather than a support and witnessing model. Growth hurts, and we naturally don't want that for our kids. So getting into the acceptance of our own difficulty can train us into acceptance of our kids difficulty. Being more mature in our own emotional processing can help our kids become more mature in their own emotions. Development and health is all about accepting more of reality.

Faith journey 101: Fowler's 6 stages · From your notes: Personal-Spiritual > Topical Study > Parenting · Open in OneNote

Condition of the Divine:God's vulnerability is the condition of the divine

God who weeps · From your notes: Personal-Spiritual > Topical Study > Empathy · Open in OneNote

"In life, you're not playing against anyone, you're playing with them." It's not about the hand you've been dealt, it's how you play it. Two different types of comparison: Torture: Stuff we can't change. Drains energy & makes you miserable. Teacher:

The Let Them Theory · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Teamwork · Open in OneNote

Safety is the foundation in which a strong culture is born. When you ask people in highly successful groups to describe their relationship with one another, they all tend to use one word: family.

The Culture Code · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Trust · Open in OneNote

Metal annealing process is essentially heating and cooling metal to rearrange the "stuck" particles

Chapter 6: Systems that Like (some) Randomness · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Action Bias · Open in OneNote

But the one thing you'll never be able to control, no matter how hard you try, is another person. This theory has transformed my life because instead of resisting and working against the natural flow of human nature, I've learned to embrace it and control what I can control: me. I finally stopped making other people a problem, and in the process, my relationships improved in ways I never thought possible.

The Let Them Theory · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > 😬 Anxiety · Open in OneNote

One of the problems is that additions are seen as psychologically pleasurable while subtractions are seen as painful. Leidy Klotz: Subtract, the untapped power of less.

Hidden Brain: Do Less · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Simplicity · Open in OneNote

Shares example of someone who started arguing with the person they were making the rejection request to, which only escalated the situation and moved them further from a yes. Argument is a magnet for rejection. When you're on opposite sides of the table, others aren't in the right mindset to say yes.

Rejection Proof · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Abundance · Open in OneNote

"I never wanted to be the next Bruce Lee, I just wanted to be the first Jackie Chan."

(Jackie Chan quote) · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Authenticity · Open in OneNote

My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or destroy Slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves, I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone, I would also do that. What I do about Slavery and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save this Union, and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the Union.

Lincoln: David Herbert Donald · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Vision · Open in OneNote

Many a rival lawyer was lulled into complacency as Lincoln conceded 6 of 7 points, only to discover that the whole case was turned on the 7th point. Flexible as to means, resolute as to ends. Lincoln's flexibility and pragmatism fundamentally offended doctrinaires immovably committed to a fixed position. "My policy is to have no policy." Was Lincoln's motto.

Lincoln: David Herbert Donald · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Clarity · Open in OneNote

Sometimes connects reality, and it sometimes doesn't. But it always connects. When examining the role of information in history, although it sometimes makes sense to ask, how well does it represent reality? Is it true or false? Often the more crucial questions are: how well does it connect people? What new network does it create? Power of Story.

Nexus · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Leadership · Open in OneNote

Illuminators on the other hand, have a persistent curiosity about other people. They've been trained, or have trained themselves, in the craft of understanding others. They know what to look for and how to ask the right questions at the right time. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, lit up.

How to know a person · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Abundance · Open in OneNote

Red Teaming: Military/maybe Navy seal exercise where you come up with a plan to defeat your plan. The goal of each of these is the same: to open up vulnerabilities so the teams can understand what works, what doesn't work, and how to get there. Aim for candor, avoid brutal honestly. Feedback that is smaller, less targeted, less personal, but equally impactful. makes it easier to maintain a sense of safety in the group.

The Culture Code · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Execution · Open in OneNote

The guest, Judson Brewer, talked through how he would try to treat VA patients for various addictions, but most of the methods were willpower based and often led to shame and negative feedback loops that reinforced the addictions. Many of our cravings are automatic and unthinking but when we apply curiosity to our cravings, in some ways it allows us to take apart the sequence of the emotions that lead to the cravings, and the cravings that lead to our behaviors. — Judson Brewer

Hidden Brain: The curious science of craving · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Problem Solving/Identifying Problem · Open in OneNote

Anytime you internalize other people's thoughts actions or feelings that somehow you're a bad person, or your ideas are dumb at work, or that you've done something wrong, or your mother's bad mood is your fault, you just give power to the other person. And it shifts the dynamic of the relationship and you start to feel beneath them. Chapter 5: Let them think bad thoughts about you. Everyone says, "don't care about what other people think". But no one tells you how. So how do you do it?

The Let Them Theory · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Agency/Internal locus of control · Open in OneNote

Advice Victor got before writing his book. Write your book review before you start writing. Victor responded that he didn't even know what he was going to write, exactly, write what you want people to think and feel upon reading your book.

HB: What is your life for? · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Strategy · Open in OneNote

Kodak could have set a trip wire for 5% of digital camera market share to help prevent digital from creeping up on them. Trip wires allow us the certainty and focus of committing to an action while minimizing the risk of overconfidence.

Decisive · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Execution · Open in OneNote

What looks like a talent gap is often a focus gap. The "all-star" is often an average to above-average performer who spends more time working on what is important and less time on distractions. — James Clear

James Clear Quotes on Focus · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Focus/Pareto Principle · Open in OneNote

10+ studies across academic and work performance show that perfectionism didn't correlate at all with performance. Which is perplexing given the amount of hours self-oriented perfectionists put in.

The Perfection Trap · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Action/Imperfection/Moving Fast/School of Hard Nox · Open in OneNote

44% of lawyers would not recommend a young person pursue a career in law

Decisive · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Decision Making · Open in OneNote

Shares example of how the author, Judson Brewer, would eat a whole bag of gummy worms in one sitting. But when he actually got curious and present about how they tasted, he realized they didn't taste very good. Just this realization allowed him to break the craving cycle. Shares similar stories of patients, one who hadn't realized after 40 years of smoking just how disgusting it tasted. — Judson Brewer

Hidden Brain: The curious science of craving · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Problem Solving/Identifying Problem · Open in OneNote

Eg. Facebook seeks to give people power to build community and bring the world closer together through tools like newsfeed, messenger, and groups.

Making of a Manager · From your notes: Leadership & Business > General Principles > Strategy · Open in OneNote

How her four boys stay active indoors when outside isn't an option — everyday objects turned into epic challenges: bouncing on a small indoor trampoline; 'stepping stones' made from bar stools; hallway wall-climbing onto a pillow pile ('wall swimming' is the safer starter — elevate risk from there); hallway sprints; a painter's-tape obstacle course to crawl under; banister climbs; 'body stair surfing' down carpeted stairs in Christmas pajamas; a chaotic 'how many brothers can I hold at once' pile-on; a tape hopscotch grid; and a cardboard-box stair slide. The formula: ordinary furniture plus a dramatic label equals an adventure. Screen-free, low-budget, and endlessly remixable for bad-weather days. — Kelly Ray Robson (@k.raycollective)

IG: @k.raycollective — Indoor obstacle ideas for high-energy boys · From your notes: Parenting pages (both notebooks) > 🏡Parenting · Open in OneNote

UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman discovered the brain processes emotional pain through many of the same neural pathways as physical pain — rejection, humiliation, grief, loneliness all register as real biological pain. But he found something more: putting feelings into words reduces activity in the amygdala, the brain's threat center, and increases activity in the prefrontal cortex where regulation happens. In his experiments, participants who named the feeling they saw showed a rapid, measurable drop in amygdala activation — comparable to the analgesic effect of paracetamol. The relief comes from naming, not suppressing, analyzing, or pretending. Two words begin the shift: 'I feel…' — 'I feel rejected.' 'I feel overwhelmed.' 'I feel ashamed.' 'I feel afraid.' Spoken or written, precise labels ('lonely,' 'frightened') work better than vague ones ('everything is falling apart'). — @soulmindhub

IG: @soulmindhub — Naming feelings calms the brain · From your notes: Parenting pages (both notebooks) > 🏡Parenting · Open in OneNote

The most insidious habits in childhood don't arrive with warning labels. They slip in quietly — like a screen switched on for 'just 20 minutes' while dinner simmers. But the young brain is designed to hunt for meaning: to stretch for answers in silence, conjure imaginary friends in boredom, transform pots and pans into patience and creativity. When a screen steps in as entertainer, regulator, or placeholder, the brain learns a shortcut: why wonder when answers arrive in pixels and soundbites? Cited: Dr. Dimitri Christakis on fast-paced content creating hyper-arousal; the American Academy of Pediatrics warning against screens as a 'default soother' before five. The issue isn't the screen itself but the loss of connection. Alternatives: co-viewed documentaries, messy kitchen play, uncooked rice, music narration, crayons. Ask: 'What do I want this moment to build in my child's brain?' Screens aren't the enemy. Disconnection is. — @parentcub

IG: @parentcub — "Just 20 minutes" of screens rewires · From your notes: Parenting pages (both notebooks) > 🏡Parenting · Open in OneNote

The point of a story is the transformation of the characters. A story is about what the character does, not what he says or the day dreaming narrative he tells himself. In a movie you have to show the character's emotions. You don't narrate what's going on inside of his head. Same with your real life story.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years · From your notes: Parenting pages (both notebooks) > Parenting · Open in OneNote